long island city, queens: tank full, yimby empty

A Jonestown That Won’t Happen: Twitter Isn’t Dying

November 18, 2022

On this anniversary of the infamous 1978 mass murder poisoning of over 900 Peoples Temple members in Jonestown, Guyana, a persistent buzz today is that Twitter is dying and one’s time on there has become perilously limited.

As a result of this rumored demise, I’m witnessing some tender, yet ultimately gratuitous, goodbye notes on Twitter.

Self obituaries, if you will.

Those whisper-skinned yimbys are taking it especially hard.

As if a certain death is really going to happen.

As if some very important part of them shall now cease to exist and their very excellent relationships, founded and built on the platform, will now evaporate.

But I suspect these are, ah, premature assumptions.


Because like cockaroaches, Twitter will not die.

As the Elon Era rolls out, the bird app will experience glitches, hiccups and service delays in this soap-opera-esque tumultuous turnover, but in no way is everyone’s fav social media app dying.

I never thought I’d say this but on this day, as we all watch Twitter slowly not expire, I ackshually agree with Ben Carlos Thypin.

not wrong

There will be no Jonestown at Twitter, not today or ever: no death, let alone mass death.

In fact, Elon’s newest acquisition might become even bigger and more utilized than ever; apparently that’s already happening.

So put down that cup of Kool-Aid, gentle yimby: after all, it was cyanide-laced Flavor Aid which killed almost a thousand souls some 44 years ago in South America.

Fear not, my little avocado: not today.

Twitter is going nowhere.

(he’s private but available, ladies)

One response to “A Jonestown That Won’t Happen: Twitter Isn’t Dying”

  1. The urbanists and faux progressives will eventually eat themselves just like the People’s Temple cult.


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